By Mary Odden

Now in the actuarial category of “old,” I get Medicare scams--in addition to dire warnings from Microsoft and Google, auto warranty offers, Publishers Clearinghouse fake sudden wealth, credit card processing systems that don't exist, and Amazon-stuff-I-didn’t-actually-buy that threatens to appear on my credit card. Yes, that phone call was not actually from Amazon. 

I almost fell for the “2022 MEDICARE HEALTH PLAN UPDATE” that came in the mail yesterday, an official-looking cardboardy notice that I had to open by tearing the ends off—just like a paystub, a dividend, and many other important government notices. 

I nearly bit. The “Request for Information,” which I nearly filled out, said, “Please see that I receive all the 2022 Medicare benefits for which I am eligible, including [and this was in bold type] Dental, Vision, Hearing, Gym membership, and any new benefits available 2022.” 

Gym membership?  

Medicare does update their information each year, and there are usually a few updates. But gym memberships are not likely to be among them. Never mind how helpful such a membership would be in Nelchina. 

What will catch some people, I’m sure, is the appeal to our natural greed contained in the phrase “all…for which I am eligible.” Note to the scammers: if you hadn’t included the “gym membership,” you might just have gotten me to fill out that card. 

But instead of you getting more of my personal information, which you probably already have, or selling me fake or unnecessary insurance products, I am going to report you to the U.S. Postal Inspection Service at www.uspis.gov or call them at 1-877-876-2455. 

Scams, especially those that target us older and typically less tech-savvy folks, are costly in loss of private information, money lost to fraudulent offers and unnecessary insurance, time spent on this nonsense (witness the time it took me to write this and you to read it), and in mental health. 

Lucky for me, Medicare does cover some health care services for depression and anxiety. First, though, I’m going to make myself feel better by reporting the scammer. Going to the gym would help, too, but I think I’ll go get a wheelbarrow of wood instead.

Catch up on past essays by other CRR contributors with these selections:

Eat the Fat

September in the Garden

Humility on a Bike